In celebration of an ordinary week

In many ways, this week in early May was pretty ordinary. Work. Study. Housework. Shopping. Dinner with friends. Choir. Nothing unusual in any of that.

What was unusual was the fact that this was the first time in a long time that I have felt properly happy, relaxed and in control of my life. I had energy to do more than just survive the week. I was busy, productive and sociable. Nothing unusual, but it's been a long time coming.

When I was so sick, all I wanted was to get back to 'normal'. I think this might be it.

Straight lines please me

I really struggle with lines that aren't straight. I tried on this layout, truly I did...but it doesn't make me happy.

One of the greatest things about life lately is that I am finally figuring out what makes me happy. Not just a little bit happy, but properly-my-heart-feels-full-of-joy happy. It's taken 27 years, several jobs, numerous hobbies, heartbreak and a life-threatening illness - but finally I am beginning to get it. There are definitely no easy answers, but I am starting to see the light. And in the meantime this page will just have to do.

The story: Morpheus loves being up high and in interesting places - on top of doors and even in my shelves. 2009.

Reasons to be cheerful

After the excitement of this (yes I squealed!) I knew I was back. It feels fantastic to be creating again and doing things that are purely for fun. No deadline, no pressure, no task to meet...just doing something that makes me happy.

I have so many stories that I want to turn into scrapbook pages...it could be overwhelming but I don't feel that way any more. Instead, I just work with the photos that inspire me - either because they're beautiful, or because like these - they tell a story that just makes my heart glad.

The story: Gran loves reading, but it is hard to find books that are large print and still light enough for her to hold. Her new Kindle is amazing - it is lighter than the smallest paperback but allows you to enlarge the text to any size you want - so Gran can read really easily. This is what the 21st century is all about - technology to make your life easier. Gran has totally embraced it and I'm so pleased for her.

One is not Morpheus

This neighbourhood is full of cats. It's not unusual to have two or three circling my garden every evening. Yesterday I found a black cat that couldn't get back over the fence, and took several attempts to launch himself up and over to safety, with much scrabbling of claws.

Today the same black cat was sitting on the wall by the lilac bush. I promise you it's not Morpheus - he was standing beside me as I took the photo. When I caught him at the food bowl in the kitchen (!) he looked a lot more straggly than this, but in this pose he looks just like Morph. Unless....there is another black cat?

Scrapbooking with a sketch

It's been a while, but yesterday I saw this sketch and thought I'd give it a go. I am supposed to be a scrapbooker, after all.

I have lots of stories to scrapbook but it's been a while since I've been in the right frame of mind, what with one thing and another. And I still feel a little bit 'guilty' for playing with paper and glue when I should be studying, or doing something around the house. Not as guilty as I used to, though. If I have learned anything at all, it's that life is short and I need to do the things that make me happy. So I'm starting with this very pretty paper.

Loving this life

I am seriously loving this house. It's the first time I've ever had a garden that feels like part of the house - the back door opens straight onto it. It's only small and yes, the grass needs cutting. But it's been totally worth it these last few days as I come home, open the door, let Morph out to play and enjoy the evening sunshine while I cook dinner.



This tree is totally gorgeous and I don't even have to look after it - it belongs to next door. Despite living in the centre of town, my garden isn't overlooked at all and I hardly even hear my neighbours. There is a family one side and an elderly couple the other - very similar to my last house. The difference is that no-one here seems to be trying to kill each other.



Having to move house was really hard - stressful and exhausting both physically and mentally. At the same time, though, I sort of knew that it was for the best. I was leaving a house that was full of memories of being ill, and moving somewhere new just as I start on a new life as a 'well person' not a 'sick person'. As it turns out, it was the best thing that could have happened. This house is nicer, newer, better laid out and more comfortable.



I hate it when people say 'everything happens for a reason'. I don't believe that. But I do believe that you can make the best of what you're given, and sometimes the opportunities you weren't expecting turn out to be the best of all.



It would be too easy for everything to turn out perfectly just like that. There are still some changes happening and most of them are out of my control. For once, they're not even all health-related. Weirdly though, I don't feel worried any more. The sense of rising panic that I have experienced so much over the last months has gone, and I am feeling much more peaceful. I am learning to live in this moment and enjoy it, and it feels good.

Yes, it does.

A summer knit

This yarn is just absolutely gorgeous. I had been indecisive about what to make for a while - I really wanted to crochet something but I just couldn't find a pattern. Then Mindy took a delivery of this, and the patterns to match, and I knew it was the 'one'. I haven't knitted for ages, not since about 2009, in fact. Complicated patterns scare me, so unless it's labelled an 'easy knit' I'm not really interested. Fortunately, this yarn is self-striping so I don't need to do any complicated stitches, just knit & purl and let the yarn do all the work. Isn't it gorgeous?

Well, when I say the yarn does all the work...the pattern I chose has rows of over 300 stitches, which is not exactly easy. But, as it's knitted all in one piece, at least I won't have too much sewing up to do. It's still a work-in-progress, as I need to sew two seams and knit the edging. I have a sad history of unfinished knitted pieces, which is why I was a bit wary of sharing this in case in never makes it out of the basket...but it's looking hopeful that it will be wearable soon.

My boy Morpheus

Morpheus clearly disapproves of my studying, because he likes to sit on my books.

When he isn't on the table, he is sat on the arm of my chair, or on the floor by my feet. At the moment, he likes to sleep under the bed, so as I am falling asleep I hear little snuffles underneath my head. When I'm not around, I think he spend most of his day asleep on top of the wardrobe.

He is wonderful company. I never thought he would be a 'lap cat', but his personality completely changed as soon as it was just him and me in the house. He is friendly, sociable, snuggly and ever-so-slightly possessive of me. He likes attention and company. He makes me get up in the morning to feed him, and he knows just how to meow pathetically to make me give him a treat. He is quite possibly the most spoiled cat I know. He is also, I realised yesterday, absolutely huge! Life right now feels like a lot of late nights, deadlines and extra pressure. I'm looking forward to some quality time off that doesn't involve any medical procedures, at Easter. Until then...I think Morpheus has the right idea.

Life right now

A life with a world of possibilities, and a ray of sunlight to guide my path.

Holding my place

It's never a good idea to start a blog post without an idea of where it's going. I've started this post half a dozen times and deleted each one.

As a show-and-tell, this is pretty poor. I don't have any projects to share because I haven't made anything. There are a few works-in-progress but I don't like to show off until I've finished. I don't have any photos to share because the camera has run out of battery and I haven't unpacked the charger yet. (The photo above is from last year.)

I would blame my studying, but I am behind with that as well. This blog post is mostly just to hold my place, prove I'm still alive, and hopefully promise better things to come.

Settling in

Moving house was infinitely more stressful than I was prepared for, but it's finally done and three weeks after moving in we are beginning to feel settled...this is a good home for Morpheus and for me.

I had a lot of lovely helpers who made the whole thing possible. 'Thank you' isn't really enough but it will have to do for now. They did all the lifting, carrying, moving, hauling, fixing and other things that I'm not supposed to do, but are kind of essential when you are moving every single thing you own.

All the furniture is in place and now I just need to keep going with all the boxes. I've reached that horrible stage where I've unpacked enough to live on a day-to-day basis, but not enough to actually consider myself finished. In my last house (and the one before, actually) that lasted about two years. I have high hopes that this time it's going to be different. Don't laugh.

I kept Morpheus in for three weeks and had dreams of turning him into a house cat....it was never going to work. Despite spending a small fortune on cat toys and things to keep him entertained, yesterday I had to give in and open the door for him. He lasted about ten minutes before he came in, and this morning he wouldn't go out at all because it was raining. Spoilt?

I am not dead, just buried (under a sea of boxes)

I had to move a tower of boxes to even get to my computer to write this.

I get the keys to my new house on Friday. I am alternately excited, and terrified. I am looking forward to living in a new house (open plan! bigger kitchen! brand new refurb!) but despite the best efforts of the people who helped me clean and pack today I am still worried (not enough boxes/too much stuff, co-ordinating everything).

Moving will be good for me. I'd just rather not have to do it. All my craft stuff is packed away and I should probably have packed the computer as well by now. Oh, and as I am back to work full-time now I am finding out how to push my body through previously undiscovered levels of tiredness.

Somehow, I just have to make it through this week. Then I get four days before my Open University course starts. Did someone say 2011 was going to be easier?

First make of the year

I have about half a dozen draft blog posts sitting here, waiting to be finished. I started a review of last year, and then I started thinking about what I want from this year, and each post was more rambling than the last.

However, I think I have summed it up:
2010 - cancer
2011 - no cancer

Do I need to say any more?

And so...on to the first of this year's crocheted items. I shouldn't be making things. I should be packing because I move in two weeks. I should be getting an early night because I haven't been sleeping well. I should be reading my study guides because my OU course starts in a month. Whatever. The 'shoulds' have never stopped me before.

This is a pretty simple scarf recently published in the crochet magazine I read. Chains and double crochets are super-easy, the only complicated thing is the 306 chain you need to start with. I lost count every time. The lovely effect comes from using a variegated yarn - this is a yarn which normally knits up to produce a fake fair-isle effect, but when crocheted comes out in beautiful stripes. This one is mum's - I'm working on one for Mindy and then one for myself. If I do mine last, it doesn't matter if I get bored and stop halfway through ;)

JYC :: Boxing Day

We had Boxing Day surprise this year as we took a 'leftovers' meal round to Gran's house. Obviously, we didn't have any actual leftovers from Christmas Day, so Mum had deliberately cooked extra on Christmas Eve so that we could still have our Boxing Day lunch. Thanks Mum!

JYC :: Christmas

Christmas Eve...nearly done. Just a few things to finish off, but it felt very busy. I went to Mum's for dinner in the evening which was time to sit down and relax. And isn't this fairy pretty? Mindy made her and she adorns the top of Mum's tree. I do love handmade decorations.



Christmas Day itself was lovely. And who would have thought that I could fit so much on a single 6x6 page?



We went out for Christmas dinner and I'm glad we did. It made a lovely break from past years and meant that none of us were sitting there thinking about things that used to be. And of course, it meant that none of us had to prepare any food, get up early to cook it, or do the washing up afterwards. Afterwards we went back to Gran's to exchange our gifts. I couldn't decide if I was more excited to give or receive...my handmade goodies went down well and I received some lovely presents too. Follow that with some Christmas TV and it was pretty much the perfect day. Thanks guys :)

Self portraits at Christmas

It's only on looking back at these pages that I realised I'd used two self-portraits in a row. The photo on this one is my current Facebook profile picture...sometimes looking at photos like this over a period of time can show just how much things have changed.

My scrapbooking tip for today? Use a dual-ended pen to write your text, using the thicker end for the key phrases. Makes the text look much more interesting than a simple paragraph, especially if you are writing short thoughts rather than a long story.



This is a less flattering portrait (no-one looks good on a convex surface) but this is the first year I've actually remembered to take a photo of my reflection on a bauble. Except, of course, I only have mini baubles on the tree this year so I had to hold one instead. If you'd like to see some better examples of bauble self-portraits, check out this Flickr group.

So that was Christmas...catching up with JYC

The last few days before Christmas were a whirlwind of activity: shopping, singing, preparation and organisation. Suddenly it was far too difficult to keep up with JYC and post pictures online. The darkness didn't help as the days got shorter and shorter.



I did keep up with my pages, though, and I'm so pleased. My little book is now super-thick (three inches?!) and is a lovely record not only of what happened, but also of how I felt.



As I sit here in a post-Christmas haze, it all seems so long ago. I can hardly believe that I made that page above just last week. Everyone was so excited for Christmas, and now it's all over.

I had a lovely, lovely Christmas and really enjoyed it. It was quiet and relaxed and full of thoughtfulness and love. And I'm really glad I've been recording it all. I'll share the rest of my pages later.

K x

JYC :: 16 :: Thankful

This one gets a post all of its own.

It is so easy to be thankful this year. 2009/10 has been without a doubt the hardest year of my life. I keep thinking 'this time last year I was'...and it's all negative. I was being told I had cancer. I was starting chemotherapy. I was in hospital. I was having major surgery. I didn't know what the future held except that it wasn't going to be very good for a long time.

I am so thankful to be writing this post from a place of health and contentment. I am so blessed with my family and friends and all their support. In between sickness and surgery, I have still managed to have some really good times this year and I am so thankful for everything. One little page doesn't say it enough.

JYC :: 14 &15

For some reason the design of this page really pleases me...it feels very balanced, despite the larger amount of writing than normal. Like everything, this year presents are 'different'. We used to get up very early to open everything under the tree. These days we are all a little older and able to sleep in, so the early mornings are out! I am also Gran's Christmas fairy this year and have been buying her presents for everybody else.

Quickest page ever...and much lighter to balance out the previous page. It'll just be us five for Christmas, as the rest of the family is scattered far and wide. But there'll be lots of phonecalls I am sure.

JYC :: Memories worth saving

Uploading these has taken a back seat over the last few days, but I am slowly catching up.

I love, love, LOVE my pink tree. I think unconventional Christmas trees are great anyway (my main artificial tree is a pewter/silver colour) but this one just thrills me. Seriously. It's just about 2 feet high and is currently sitting beside my TV, with co-ordinating miniature baubles in glittery retro brights and white. I couldn't handle a full size tree this year but this is small enough to be manageable, and is just enough 'Christmas' to keep me happy.

This prompt was never going to be easy - thoughts of Christmas past. 2007 was the last year before everything changed, and of course being without Jonpa is the biggest change of all. But I know that he loved Christmas, and would want us to be happy. It won't be the same without him, but it will be ok.

On 13th December, the prompt for Christmas music coincided nicely with the MHCC Christmas concert. Carol services and nativity plays used to be such a big part of my Christmas, but since I stopped going to church I haven't had anything like that in my life. Choir has helped me re-discover my love of Christmas music and really makes the season special.