That girl, this girl

Every so often, there's a post on one of the scrapbooking forums I use, saying 'how do I scrap the bad stuff?' And honestly, it's kind of tricky. There is no easy way to make heartbreak/illness/bereavement fit nicely in between pages full of pictures of your cat and the smiley everyday. Mostly, my answer has been - I don't. I've tried scrapbooking about all those things, but pretty paper doesn't make them better.

But life changes. And sometimes pages cover the hard stuff without even meaning to. This page above isn't a new one - it's from 2007. It was one of my favourite pages at the time, and got the most comments in my online gallery. I can remember where I was when the photo was taken, who I was with, what was happening in my life, and how I felt. I was mostly worried about growing my hair and losing weight, and trying not to get too sunburnt. Oh, if only I knew then what I know now...

It was the angle of the photos that inspired me to do a re-take. That, and the fact that it is exactly five years on. Where did the time go? That girl in that first photo feels like a different person. She was so insecure, so uncertain, so superficial. So excited about the future and so determined to make it work.

And in 2012, this girl? The future she is living is not the one she thought she'd have. And it's been a hard road to get here. This girl worries less, loves differently, works harder, sings more and has finally grown her hair, only to keep it tied up all the time. Still the same heart, same soul, same faith in herself. In 2007 that girl didn't need to worry because things were working out ok. This girl knows she doesn't need to worry because whatever happens, she can deal with it.

Scrapbooking from a starting point

Sometimes I need a kick to get me going, and sometimes something just inspires me. This starting point just seemed perfect for these photos from a fabulous wedding.

I made my own fabric flower (I know!) and used candi dots to look a little bit like confetti. I have two sizes of butterfly punch now and oh that makes me happy. So does layering two colours of butterfly together to get the contrast I wanted. And then after I'd done the whole thing, I stamped right on to the cardstock to create a journalling space. Lots of different elements that I love on this page.

Catching up - Christmas in June

One of my projects lately has been to go through my albums and work out where the gaps are. What stories are missing? And I realised that if you just looked through my albums (organised by year) you'd probably think I spend a lot of time shopping, eating cake & drinking tea, and taking photographs of my cat. There are lots of occasions that I know happened, that just aren't in there.

I think partly it's because I always have so many photos. My Christmas pile is one of the biggest in my box of photos. Partly it's because I struggle to see the stories beyond the obvious ones of family, dinner, and presents. And yes, partly it's because for several years, Christmas has been an incredibly difficult time for us all. Christmas 2011 felt very different and very positive, and suddenly as I went through my pile of photographs, it wasn't so hard to think of a story to tell that was more than just about the silly hats and how we always have our crackers between the main course and dessert.

Not every page has to be that profound, though - it's perfectly ok to showcase some of the daft photos that are inevitable when you start messing around with crackers.

And sometimes, when you go through the pile of photos that you printed out, you find some that  you can't remember taking in the first place. The story in those is absolutely priceless.

Sunday baker: Chocolate truffles

Last week I made chocolate cupcakes. They didn't work so well. My own fault for firstly using the wrong flour, and then running out of cases so I had to recycle the ones from the cakes that went wrong. It was never going to work. But after making two dozen cakes (and mixing them by hand when I couldn't get the mixer to work) I was determined not to let them go to waste.

I have lots of childhood memories that involve cakes Mum made, and I can remember her making chocolate truffles like these. Sticky and chocolatey and flavoured with rum, rolled into a ball and covered in chocolate vermicelli.

Mum found a recipe for me online here and I only tweaked it a little bit. I didn't add any sugar, used less cocoa because it was already very chocolatey, and then used rum flavouring instead of actual rum.

Don't worry, I didn't just make nine. My 24 chocolate cupcake failures made a nice even 40 truffles. And I've only eaten two of them so far...

I do my best work at midnight

Things that I do well at midnight: scrapbooking, blogging, surfing the internet, painting my nails.
Things I don't do well: sleeping, knitting and photography.

Singing it out

Mama said there'll be days like these, 

there'll be days like these Mama said.

Can you get that song out of your head now? It wasn't intentional, but the title of the page kind of stuck and now it's all I can hear when I look at this.

I love this page for lots of reasons...the pale chevron paper is one I made using a new stamp. That alphabet I've used for the title might just be my favourite ever. And there is paper that's not straight. I'm not quite at the level of layering some people use but I'm getting there in my own little way.

Another day in paradise

If I had a superhero alter-ego, I'd quite like her to be Glitter Girl. But because I don't, all I can do is follow the challenges she sets every week. Mixing fonts in my titles? Sorted.

Testing

I guess it's time I joined the 21st century? I am always a late adopter.

Blogging from my phone!

Stuff I make: the lampshade project

One of the joys of renting is that I can't really do anything permanent. Or more accurately, I could but then I would have to leave it behind when I inevitably leave. I'm not generous enough to do that, so I settle for making things that can be packed in a box.

Using a plain lampshade from Ikea and my trusty butterfly punches, plus some Glossy Accents (which I am praying is strong enough to withstand the heat from the bulb, otherwise I could wake up with dead butterflies falling on me.) 

I spent a pleasant couple of hours sticking it all together, grouping one or two large butterflies with lots of smaller ones. I decided not to go for all-over coverage for a couple of reasons - firstly, I didn't want it to look like my room was being swarmed by insects. And secondly, I got bored punching out butterflies. I am a lazy crafter.

And here it is in place. I'm kind of pleased with it, and I've found a legitimate use for my endless crafting supplies. Win all round :)

Whoops, I did it again

I know, I know.

I said I would keep up with this thing, and look at me now.

Sorry.

The last few months have been harder than expected....now there's an understatement. It's taken me far too long to realise that I push myself way too hard. Work/study/craft/play/music/life....I can't believe that I am still learning that I don't have to fill every minute of every day to make life worthwhile. Something had to give, and this time it was my OU course. I cried for about three days solid. 

But. It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Suddenly, I have time to do all the other things I wanted to do. And it's amazing how much crafting you can get done when you don't have to spend 16 hours a week studying Shakespeare.

Yes, these are crafty projects including a cross-stitch first started in 2001. There's a story in that, and I'll tell you another time. There has also been knitting, crochet, and many things involving paper and paint. And, for the first time in about a year and a half, today I played the piano. 

My list of goals for 2012 has been radically revised....but only in terms of timescale. I will keep reminding myself that it is ok to take things slowly. To be selfish in what I do and how I spend my time. I will get there in the end, but the joy is in the journey.

Current obsessions - nail varnish

Oh Pinterest, it's all your fault. I started following a few boards with nail designs on, then I subscribed to a few blogs, and before I knew it my nail varnish collection was out of control. How many colours does a girl need? Over 55, apparently. (I keep finding them in unlikely places, plus a I still need a white.) Then Mindy introduced me to quick-drying top coats. How did I never discover these before? I'm currently using a Sally Hansen version but apparently Seche Vite is the nail blogger's choice.  

There is a whole world out there of some amazing art and I am only at the beginning, that's for sure. There are stamps and transfers and designs you can paint on...but in the meantime it's amazing what you can do with some sellotape. Paint your base coat, wait till it's properly dry (even the insta-dry stuff takes a few minutes) then place tape to mask off a section of your nail. Paint on the contrasting colour, and peel the tape off immediately. Use a quick-dry top coat to even it all out and there you go. There are much more detailed tutorials out there, but that's the idea.

It is occasionally amusing to think back to my old self - the one who wore baggy jeans and polo shirts, who used makeup as a mask and didn't really know what to do with nail varnish, and would definitely never have put two colours together. I can't believe it's taken me this long, but it feels good. And I guess I have the internet to thank for it.

Goodbye February

If you asked me, I would tell you that February was a really hard month. That it was grey and blah and I was glad to see the back of it.

But if I really think, February wasn't all bad. It's a month of birthdays - three special girls means several parties. And parties are always good.

And despite feeling as though I have had no time at all to be creative, the pictures I have taken of my scrapbook pages tell a different story. Apparently I did make stuff.

And actually, despite the grey and blah that definitely floated around, there was a lot of sunshine too. (I told you these yellow roses would pop up again).

So maybe February wasn't so bad after all. I am still, however, very glad to welcome March. Hello Spring!

Yellow roses

You'd think this an everlasting bunch of yellow roses...but no, this and the page from my last post were taken on the same day, that's all. You'll get confused if I use another photo from the same set in December, I tell you.

I feel sort of guilty that I don't blog more often, because I made the commitment to come back and I like that this is a diary of my crafty life. But I feel guilty every time I pick up a piece of paper at the moment, because I know there are other, more important things that I should be doing. And studying is only one of those things.

Whenever I write a blog post I look back at my old posts to make sure I'm not repeating myself. There are definitely some common themes, and finding the balance in my life is one of them. Even before I was ill I struggled to balance duty with pleasure, and fun with responsibility. These days I have to factor in health, and energy, and a lot more emotion than I ever had to juggle before. I thought that when I returned to work last year I had cracked the whole 'life after cancer' thing. Now I think that the universe was probably having a good laugh at me then. There is definitely no easy solution, just a lot of hard work.

But life isn't all bad; I bought some new roses today. And despite feeling guilty, I am still picking up the paper and creating pages that make me smile.

Working it out

Sometimes it's hard to fit everything in.

In the second month of 2012, I am very aware of my super-long list of goals for the year, and how much I have to do to achieve them. I was doing really well and feeling really motivated, and then I went back to work full-time.

Obviously I am pleased to be healthy enough to be back at work, blah blah, but really - it gets in the way of everything else I want to do.

Like scrapbooking. And studying. And occasionally combining the two as you can see in the page above. I realised that something which is supposed to take 20 hours of my week (in reality, of course it doesn't) should probably feature in my albums occasionally. For example - remind me again why I am doing this?! I think I will be re-reading this page a lot in the weeks to come. (And yes, it's Shakespeare, so you have to allow me this title just once, ok?)

I am still working out the patterns in my life that will give me the time to do all I want to in a week without feeling exhausted by Wednesday afternoon. Bear with me :)

Procrastinating

I put a lot of things off.

Right now, it is that I should be opening the books to start my course. Instead, I have managed to do all kinds of things that really didn't need doing right now, but were preferable to thinking about Shakespeare. Including my financial paperwork. It must be bad.

This layout took me a week. I am not kidding. I started with three different backgrounds, and even got as far as sticking the photos down. Then I decided I didn't like it and I tore it apart, and I never do that.  I always try and make it work but it really wasn't happening. Then I saw this starting point from Shimelle, and suddenly it all came together. In my quest to use more 'stuff' on my pages, I have used no less than five layers and a whole load of embellishments (stickers! foam pads! paint spatters!) I think the plain background keeps it together, though. And for all that this page took me forever - I really, really love it.

Busy busy busy

I'm making the most of these last few days I return to work. There's so much that I want to do, and it's only now that I have any kind of enthusiasm to do it. Once I go back to the office, I think my biggest worry will be: how on earth am I going to do it all?

Seven years of scrapbooking

I don't know the exact date, but I do know that I have a file of photos on my computer which are images of most of my scrapbook pages. And 2012 is my seventh file. 

I had a clear out yesterday and threw out some half-used sheets of stickers that I'm pretty sure were among the first things I bought. In the spirit of my last post, I should probably work on using some of that stuff, right?

Get it done

I sometimes wonder if other people see me how I see myself. I like to think I come across as super-confident but in reality I doubt myself and everything I do all.the.time. I like to think I hide it, but you can probably tell. One thing I know for sure is that I am rubbish at hiding things.

This year I will stop worrying, stop over-thinking, stop comparing and just DO IT. This mostly applies to creative projects but should really cover everything in my life.

2012 is the year of getting it done.

(This scrapbook page makes sense if you knew how many times I had rearranged the papers and moved the embellishments around. Enough!)

Sidetracked

I can never work on one thing at a time. My last crochet project was going really well, and then I had some sudden inspiration for a new colour pattern and got sidetracked. This one is much more spring-like, with pretty pastel colours and a splash of hot pink and aqua. Also, a lot of white. It's the same ripple pattern but the colours make it look completely different. 

This blanket is also whizzing along, but I hope I manage to finish it before I start something else!

One step at a time

2011 wasn't a bad year, was it. Lots of happy times, good memories, achievements at work and in my personal life, lots of milestones on the road to good health.

I didn't really make resolutions for 2011. Instead of making vague aims like 'be more creative' I had specific goals I wanted to reach, and things I wanted to do. I'm very proud of myself that I managed to complete almost everything I wanted to, and a few other things besides.

And 2012? I find that I am more interested in setting goals than ever before. I used to swear that setting goals was merely a step on the inevitable road to disappointment. After all, if I set a goal and then don't achieve it, I'll be disappointed, right? And nobody wants that. Boo-freaking-hoo.

OMG was I wrong.

It started when I did a course at work that focused a lot on personal goal-setting and making five-year plans.    Brilliant - I had my life planned out. Then cancer came along and screwed all that up. Suddenly my daily goals were mostly about getting up and getting dressed, and I was too scared to think about anything more long-term than my next hospital appointment. And I realised that plans are good, but flexibility is essential. So now, I have long-term goals, and short-term goals, and things I want to do tomorrow...and they all sort of link together in a giant mental map that is my life. But I hope that it might be like one of those magic maps in Harry Potter, and every so often something new will appear.

I am still working on what these goals mean for 2012. There will definitely be some more studying, and more creativity. I hope that there will be more travel and more adventure. I'm pretty certain there are going to be lots of changes. And it's down to me to make that happen.