Saturday, August 21, 2010

Over the sea and far away

Pont du Raz
Originally uploaded by kate bucci

In the beginning when I was first diagnosed, I decided that everything could be put on hold until my treatment was finished. The doctors gave me a timescale and in my head I was planning what I would do when it was all over.

Fast forward ten months and I've realised that it really doesn't work like that. Doctors are not accurate, diagnoses change and their original estimate of "six months of treatment" has already nearly doubled. By the time I am anything approaching normal again, it will probably be nearer 18 months.

That's a long time to put your life on hold...and somewhere in the midst of it all, I realised that I couldn't. Life goes on, whether you like it or not. And even if I can't do everything I want to right now, there are still things I can do, things I can enjoy. I don't have to just fight the cancer, I can live with it too.

Goal setting is one of those things I swore I'd never too (too self-help manual) but has actually been really positive. Whether I write it in my journal, or just mentally promise myself, having a checklist makes me happy. On my worst days, my goal can be to get dressed. On better days, having something to aim for really makes a difference.

My biggest goal was to go with the choir on tour to France. I got my surgeon to bring the op forward so I'd have eight weeks to recover, and hoped like mad. A two-week stay in hospital didn't help, and the day before we were due to leave I sat down and cried because I didn't think I'd manage it....but I did. I spent a week riding around Brittany in a coach with the most wonderful, beautiful, amazing group of people who carried my bags, sat with me when I couldn't walk, took hundreds of silly photos and shared more than a few bottles of wine. We sang in some amazing places and it was truly inspirational. I returned feeling very, very blessed to have such a wonderful group of friends and to have shared such an amazing time.

Right now, those memories are making me smile and keeping me going. 74 more days to go.

1 comment:

Sam said...

It's so lovely to read one of your posts again. I am so glad you had a wonderful time in france.Having goals and a positive attitude helps immensley with the fight, we have just had 8 months of 'positive thinking' for Dad..draining at times,but the only way to get through it. I seriously believe when you have all that positivity surrounding you, you can't fail to get better! Thinking of you x